Friday, April 11, 2014

Success Suckers

Recently, this random guy has been making it his mission to post nasty things on my training videos.  Now, this is par for the course on YouTube-- trolls abound, and fortunately for me, I am not easily upset by these things.  But I found it interesting-- kind of humorous, even-- that one guy in particular has singled me out and spends his time commenting on not just one, but several of my videos, trying his best to belittle what I do and puff out his own chest.

Meanwhile, a client of mine has been working hard (and doing an amazing job) at cleaning up her diet, getting in daily exercise (and being a monster in the gym!), and reclaiming her health, her body, and her self-image.  Her friends and family, however, really aren't impressed by what she's doing.  Quite the opposite, actually.  One "friend" refused to consider eating at a restaurant that had *any* healthy options for my client, and has not spoken to her since the debaucle.  Dinner with her sister and niece turned into a lot of "That's *all* you're eating?" "Oh, one more breadstick isn't going to kill you." and other such baiting comments designed to pull my client off track.  Fortunately, my client has become very strong on her journey to good health, and although she was pretty bummed out by their actions, she was able to push on and not let it sidetrack her progress.

What a sucker.

These two scenarios are very similar in many ways.  They are both fueled by people who, for whatever reason (I can speculate on the whys, but I cannot claim to know anyone else's mind), see other people's success as something to be belittled and/or stopped.  Some people simply are fueled by the failure of others, and cannot handle it when good things happen to other people.  But there is one major difference:  An internet troll hides in the cloak of anonymity.  They do not have any kind of personal relationship with their victim, and feel safe in their hatred that way.  Friends and family, however, are up close and personal.  And that's why it hurts far more when they refuse to support you in your healthy habits.

Trolls are easy to ignore.  Friends and family?  Not so much.  So how do you deal with it when they clearly do not want you to succeed?

The way I see it, there are only a few options:

-Sit down and talk to them.  Let them know why you are doing what you are doing and why it is so important to you.  Let them know that their support and friendship means a lot to you, and that you would love to have them on your team.  Let them also know that they can choose not to support you, but it will not stop you from trying to be the best "you" you can be.  Hopefully, they will hear what you're saying and will become more amenable to your needs.

-More often than not, however, these Success Suckers don't want to back down.  They have their own agenda, and your achievements lessen it somehow.  Unfortunately, this usually means you'll need to break ties with them.  It's definitely much harder to break ties with family than with friends.  For me, it required me to stop going to my parents' Thanksgivings in favor of having my own, and to limit my dining interactions with family members who refused to accept my lifestyle.  I have periodic cleanings of my proverbial "friend closet," too.  I find that these cleanings tend to happen whenever something really good or something really bad happens-- certain people can't deal with one or the other, and will show their true colors at those times.  So I cut ties with them, and although it hurts at the time, you suddenly feel you can breathe.  The freedom to feel good about who you are and what you've accomplished soon replaces any feelings of sadness for having removed a bad energy "friend" from your life. 

Sweetie promises to celebrate all your achievements.
The best part of this is that this creates room in your life to find, notice and embrace people who love and support your goals and who will cheer you through your rough times and celebrate with you when you're at the top of your game.  Having good energy around you is so important, in all walks of life (ever had a great job with crappy co-workers or a mean boss?  Yeah, you get what I mean). 

Whatever happens, your health and wellness is of utmost importance (can't do much in life without it).  So don't let Success Suckers have their way.  They don't deserve your time.  There are, whether you can see it right now or not, a whole bunch of people who would love to help cheer you on and support you as you become your best.  Surround yourself with that great energy, and most importantly:

What are some strategies you use to keep Success Suckers from bringing you down?

Questions?  Comments?  Post 'em here!


  1. When you try to change your life and find the people closest to you have become your worst enemies, separating yourself from them is difficult. The only thing you can do is find others who support you and form new friendship and family ties with them. Many people don’t want to separate from family, but I believe that any who would lessen me just so they can feel good about their own insecurity and mediocrity doesn’t deserve my love – let them see how much they enjoy life without it.

  2. Mostly, I have relatives like this. They make comments such as, "you're getting too thin," (I'm not, I'm just not overweight), or "You're going to hurt your knees," or just, "You're going to get hurt. " There is also, "You don't eat enough, " or "There's nothing wrong with a little junk now and then." (which I agree, but it always seems to be now.)

    I go with the same philosophy as the internet, "Don't feed the trolls." I ignore the comments; I just smile and say nothing. There is no winning.

    I think it would be more hurtful if it were my friends. I haven't had friends do that.

    I think that whatever the situation, it's good to maintain a thick skin. Be patient explaining yourself and realize that the comments usually come from their insecurity. Just keep on keeping on, as they say, and let your life and health speak for itself.

    1. My boyfriend's coworkers are like that, too. A lot of them love to tell him he's going to get hurt and it's all a waste of time because everything "goes to hell when you get older." They say, "Wait till you get to be my age!" and then it turns out they are younger than he is. It's pretty funny. They like to bug him about his healthy habits, so he explains it's so he does not feel like they do when he's 60. They look at him and say, "But I'm only 47..." And he smiles. :)